The Real story of Jack and the Beanstalk
by Scaryman
Summary: What did really happen to the thieving Jack? I wrote this quite a while ago, enjoy!


Once upon a time there lived a giant. The villagers had chased him and his wife away so they lived in a mountain. Every morning the giant would go hunting for food. He would use this phrase to open the door: "FEE FI FO FUM, I SMELL THE BLOOD OF A ENGLISH MAN, BE HE ALIVE OR BE HE DEAD, I'LL GRIND HIS BONES TO MAKE MY BREAD." The door would magically slide open

The pass word served a double purpose: firstly, it was a sentence that the average person would not mutter on his morning stroll, and secondly, if there was anyone outside it should scare them away.

Now it just so happend that a young theif called Jack was fleeing up the path chased by his latest victims. Up ahead he heard "FEE FI FO FUM, I SMELL THE BLOOD OF AN ENGLISH MAN. BE HE ALIVE OR BE HE DEAD, I'LL GRIND HIS BONES TO MAKE MY BREAD." So he hid behind a rock and saw a part of the mountain open and the giant stepping out. Jack thought that it could be a potential hideout in the mountain until the people who were chasing him went past so he said "Fee fi fo fum, I smell the blood of an English man. Be he alive or be he dead, I'll grind his bones to make my bread". The doors opened and with one final glance over his shoulder he skipped inside... right into the giantesses apron

Who are you? she demanded indignantly.

Jack was startled but was good at thinking up answers quickly. "I am a poor traveler from Napier going to Hastings. Could you give me a drink?

She was kind hearted so she did give him a drink. Then she warned him that the giant ate people and then pushed him out the door.

But Jack had seen a floor to ceiling, glass fronted cabinet full of gold coins.

He'd made up his mind to steal them.

* * *

Jack dug for a week though the mountain's thick rock before he finally broke into the top of the cabinet of gold... only to find that the gold was not there.

He glanced around the room and noticed that the giant had fallen asleep while counting his money. Jack climbed on the table and quietly filled his pockets and boots with gold coins, but just as he got to the floor, the giant woke up, put the money in the glass cabinet, locked it and went to bed. Jack hid under the table.

When the giant went to sleep, Jack explored. He stole a gold harp from the mantel peice and then after exploring for an hour he found a big chicken and he tied the harp on to it and the sack of gold, then he hopped on himself.

But the chicken was not used to having things on its back so it skawked as it ran to the door, waking the giant. Jack quickly stammered the passwords: "Fee fi fo fum. I smell the blood of an English man, be he alive or be he dead, I'll grind his bones to make my bread." It was not quickly enough however, The giant came to investigate the noises and was just in time to see Jack and the chicken disappearing through the door.

The chicken ran out of the door and down the hill, through the country side around Hastings and Havelock North, across the Tukituki river and up Te Mata Peak with the giant in hot persuit.

Eventually the rope that tied the stuff on, broke and Jack fell off the chicken. When the chicken realised the bundle was gone it stopped running, looked around for food to peck and promptly gobbled up a sheep.

Jack fell near a woodsman cutting down a tree, just in time to shove it so it fell across the giant's path as he came around the corner. The giant tripped over the tree, did a summersalt, landed heavily on his head, toppled over, and landed on his back, dead.

Jack picked up the things that he stole and with the chicken and did some planning of what to say to all the villagers when they awoke in the morning...

... "and so I chopped down the bean stork and the giant fell down dead". he lied to the crowd after explaning the Jack and the bean stork fib that we have today for a few hours.

* * *

A week later:

Jack and his girl friend Jill, were on their daily rounds, selling the giant's big chicken eggs. Jack, with a stolen trolley, would hide behind a bush, while Jill would "sell" the eggs to whoever was at the door. While the customer was geting the money, she would snatch all the things that looked valuable and run away.

Later that day, they were going back to Jack's house when they saw... THE GIANT'S WIFE!

They dropped all and ran for the hills. The giant's wife looked up and then started to chase them, She caught up at the top of the hill. She gave Jack the biggest punch in the head which knocked him off balance so he rolled back down the hill. Then she threw Jill after him.

Thus goes the nursery rhyme: Jack and Jill went up the hill... Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after.

* * *

So do you like it? It's a bit fast moving but I didn't want to stay on unimportant things.


End file.
